Max Gladwell

As mainstream media prepares to adopt water scarcity as its latest cause, we prepare you for the flood of cliché-driven headlines.

We could be wrong, but our sixth sense for media trends tells us that the issue of global water scarcity is about to get the attention it deserves through so many magazine covers, nightly news stories, and cable news tidbits. The coverage will likely accompany a fair share of celebrity support with cause-driven events, catchy T-shirts, and corporate sponsorships. We’re ready. Are you?

We’ve already written that Water is the New Carbon (H2O the New CO2). In further preparation, here are the top ten water scarcity clichés. Use them at your own risk.

10. Water, Water Everywhere. This Coleridge line from The Rime of the Ancient Mariner (and freshman English) is the go-to water hook, since the rest of it reads, appropriately, “Nor any drop to drink”. This is sure to be the most popular. Expect to see it used liberally by CNN, Fox, and MSNBC.

9. Is the World in Hot Water? This one lends itself to boiling-pot imagery and lets you ratchet up the fear factor by adding global warming to the story.

8. Water: Is Our Glass Half Empty? If there are only two ways of looking at the water crisis, the media outlet that chooses this headline will certainly give you the more pessimistic one.

7. Water is the New Oil. This is a proclamation you’ll most likely see from Time or Newsweek. You’re already afraid of oil. Buy this magazine and be afraid of water, too!

6. Are We in Deep Water? Heh, heh. Get it? How can we be in deep water if there’s no water left? It’s funny because it’s true.

5. Blue Gold. Here you go Forbes, Fortune, and Colbert Platinum. How are we going to bank big time on water scarcity? Yep, that’s T. Boone Pickens smiling back at you from the cover.

4. Troubled Waters. A more serious and somber take on the crisis. Major newspapers might consider this one.

3. Waterworld. Kevin Costner’s 1995 bomb could make a comeback, especially considering the global warming tie-in.

2. Something in the Water. This one has an investigative feel to it with an emphasis on pollution and contamination. We see a three-part series that explores water scarcity from several angles.

1. Got Water? Like water itself, this milk campaign is endlessly recyclable.

If you see a water scarcity cliché, feel free to add it to the comments and link to it. If you have others off the top of your head, feel free to share.

Update: We’re going to update this post with all of the articles that use the above clichés. It’s not necessarily a critical thing, because they will all be important articles. It’ll just be interesting to see how the media embraces water as the new carbon.

• September 5th: The Daily Green goes with the ever-popular “Water, Water Everywhere” in its preview of the new water documentary, Flow. This is #10 on our list.

Related Posts

• Our Water Footprint is Deeper than it Looks
• Water is the New Carbon. H2O the New CO2. This is Global Parching.
• The Great Water Debate: Bottled, Tap, and Aquifer