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Neutralize your unfaithful behavior and generate income for your loyalty on the new cheating market.
If you’ve ever cheated on a significant other and wanted to take it all back, here’s your chance. Cheatneutral.com is building a global cheating market for the buying and selling of cheating credits. One can only assume that it will be ratified under the Amsterdam or Las Vegas Protocol.
What is Cheat Offsetting? When you cheat on your partner you add to the heartbreak, pain and jealousy in the atmosphere. Cheatneutral offsets your cheating by funding someone else to be faithful and NOT cheat. This neutralises the pain and unhappy emotion and leaves you with a clear conscience.
Can I offset all my cheating? First you should look at ways of reducing your cheating. Once you’ve done this you can use Cheatneutral to offset the remaining, unavoidable cheating.
This is clearly a satirical approach to the carbon offsetting debate, which is highly criticized and controversial. Many have likened it to paying priests for forgiveness. Cheatneutral takes a more contemporary approach. Following is their extended case:
Five ways that Cheatneutral is like carbon offsetting:
1. Cheatneutral tries to make it seem acceptable to cheat on your partner. In the same way, carbon offsetting tries to make it acceptable to carry on emitting excess carbon.
2. Cheatneutral doesn’t really do much to reduce the amount of cheating in the world. Carbon offsetting does very little to reduce global carbon emissions.
3. It seems impossible to measure how much harm cheating on someone does. With carbon offsetting, there is currently no practically feasible way of measuring how much carbon offset projects actually save.
4. Having Cheatneutral’s services available could actually encourages you to cheat more. If the carbon offsetters persuade you that it’s possible to offset your emissions, you’ll carry on emitting excess carbon through your lifestyle rather than think about reducing your emissions.
5. Cheatneutral is fundamentally the wrong way to go about solving problems with your relationships. Carbon offsetting is fundamentally the wrong way to go about tackling climate change.
Two ways which Cheatneutral is not like carbon offsetting:
1. We don’t make any money out of Cheatneutral. Offset companies in the voluntary carbon market take a cut of every transaction and make a profit.
2. Cheatneutral is a joke we thought up in the pub. Carbon offsetting presents itself as a credible solution to climate change, described by the government’s chief scientist Sir David King as “the most severe problem that we are facing today, more serious even than the threat of terrorism…”
What can I do instead?
* Measure your carbon footprint. There are good resources to do this online — visit Resurgence.com for a good, detailed analysis of your footprint. For a slightly quicker calculator try Carbongym, or ChooseClimate to look in more depth at the CO2 emissions associated with flying.
* Think about reducing your carbon footprint. There are lots of easy ways to reduce the emissions from various areas of your life. You might want to think about your home, transport and what you eat and consume. There are lots of resources on the internet to help you reduce your emissions.
* Learn about Contraction and Convergence. C&C is a framework for agreeing a global cap on carbon emissions. We believe that to make our individual sacrifices count, we need a global framework that caps the amount of carbon emitted, creates a timeframe for reducing emissions to a safe level, and distributes carbon credits equitably. C&C satisfies all of these, and would make carbon trading fair and effective. Good resources are ClimateJustice and GCI.
* Use your influence as a citizen. You could lobby your MP for the adoption of C&C and telling them you are concerned about climate change. You can also talk to and lobby your elected representatives from local and regional and European government. You can find out who your MP is at www.theyworkforyou.com. Think about joining a pressure group, lobby group or charity that you feel shares and promotes your concerns.
* Get together with your friends or family and discuss what you think. How we face up to the new challenges of climate change should be something everyone has an opinion on. Although individual action is needed, we also need ways to make government and businesses take a lead in responsibly dealing with emission reduction.
Thanks to morizongreen for the tip.
4 responses so far ↓
1 Ted Stopford // May 30, 2008 at 7:13 am
Whilst cheatneutral is highly entertaining it does not offer a proper evaluation of carbon offset programmes.
What you should be doing is informing people how to select what is good. Yes we should all be reducing our carbon emissions – but it is impossible to get to zero. Clearly you are reading this on a pc/laptop which has embodied emissions and uses a power source. So you are causing the problem too and there are choices you can make to mitigate your impact on the environment. So why not educate yourself as to the quality offset schemes that are available and choose one. Alternatively wait for government to do something and watch the water levels rise…
2 Max Gladwell // May 30, 2008 at 8:00 am
Ted: We’re with you. We’ve yet to delve into the subject in a serious way, but we will. There are certainly two sides to this debate, together with different ways of going about it.
3 John // May 26, 2009 at 1:34 pm
Just a heads up, but some of the sites for calculating carbon footprint that you link to no longer are doing that. Specifically the resurgence, carbongym, and chooseclimate sites are either not working or have changed business models.
BTW, I couldn’t agree more about carbon offsetting. That approach takes no real personal responsibility, and doesn’t address the core problem that we have created a lifestyle that’s not sustainable.
4 RichardOn // May 26, 2009 at 4:41 pm
Interesting site, but much advertisments on him. Shall read as subscription, rss.
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